Well, the last few weeks have really sucked. Not necessarily because of any events, mostly just small realizations that I wish I had had sooner so that I could avoid these feelings.
One of these realizations was that the four girls that I went through all of highschool with are stupid, drugged-out, whores that probably don't even give a shit about me because all I do is point out their immoral behaviour and make them feel uncomfortable about their lifestyle choices. I haven't ever judged them in any way for anything that they have ever done and they judge me for things I haven't done!!!
I also realized that a lot of people are simply out to see how much they can screw the other person over, my boss is one of these people, enough said.
And another thing, I guess I'm just way too needy and I fall in love too quickly. I haven't really gotten to see and talk to my boyfriend in about three weeks now and I'm just getting pissed off. If he doesn't like me he should have the stones to tell me. I've been dating him for four months now and I think he's just waiting for me to dump him so that he doesn't have to dump me. I hate the nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach because I was finally starting to trust another person and now I get slapped in the face with his callous lack of courage.
I just feel like sitting down and crying for the rest of my life because it doesn't seem to be worth a goddamn thing to anyone but me.
The last thing I realized was that if I died, the only way they would find the body would be when the neighbors started to complain about a smell, or whenever my rent was late, whichever happened first. I don't think anyone would even care enough to go to my funeral, outside of my family, and I hate most of them, so I really don't want them to be there to remember the me they like to think I am.
These are just the lonely 1am rantings of a happy person that has had too many negative things happen to them lately. I'm not going to kill myself or anything, I'm just talking about what makes me angry so that I can understand it and change it. I'll hopefully be in a much better mood in about a month or so after I get this all sorted out and have removed as many of the bad people from my life as possible.
Any suggestions and advice are welcome, but don't count on any of it getting followed, and please don't say anything about god.